Self-Alienation and Identity

Self-Alienation: The main theme of Catcher in the Rye (written by J.D. Salinger). The protagonist Holden Caulfield is trying to figure himself out. His confusion between whether to stay a child or become an adult has caused him to become self-alienated and that self-alienation has also caused his alienation from the world around him. He can no longer identify with himself and others.
This novel would do a lot of good to those people who feel lost with the world around them and themselves.
I read 'Catcher in the Rye' when I was in 10th grade, when most of us are going through that transition phase.
I believe you can find a balance between both worlds (childhood and adulthood). I am still trying to obtain it, but I have never thought of abandoning one for the other. Both worlds define who I am; and most people have seen both sides, no matter how positive or negative.
Finding your place within the world, is important. But the truth is, the person you are, keeps changing over time with situations and circumstances. There are some core values that remain the same and figuring those out is invaluable. Figuring out the type of person you are, does not mean, putting yourself into labels. There are so many facets to one's personality. You can't fit into one category or label!
'Catcher in the Rye' talks about the hypocrisy of the adult world; where people pretend to be what they are not. This hypocrisy is one of the major issues that stops Holden from wanting to grow up. He talks about the many masks that people wear in the world and how no one really is the way they act to be.
'Catcher in the Rye' is a beautiful transitional journey of a young boy finding his way in the world, and finally making up his mind in the end. Holden's innocence and naivety about the world, his silly curiosity-filled questions, his dilemmas, his pains, his alienation are so beautifully and movingly described that somewhere along the way while reading the novel, you will become Holden Caulfield.
Reading this novel, reminds me that it is okay if you can not find yourself once in a while; you will find yourself eventually. It gives me a reminder, that life is not really as complicated as we make it to be; you just need to take a stand and that's it.
I found a kindred soul in Holden Caulfield. Maybe, you will too.

 

Nightmares and Dreams!

It is 4:45am and why am I awake? Nightmare.

Well, it doesn't really feel like a nightmare anymore. I texted one of my elder brothers to ask if he was still awake, as he knows and understands dreams better than I do. As I narrated my dream to him, he said the same thing that was on my mind, that there is a guiding light in my life.

I was sleeping, and suddenly a sound started coming in the background which was becoming louder and louder, and it soon became audible. The sound was "fuck off" and it was repeating constantly.
I was alone in my room, my roommate's bed was empty. Suddenly, from the left side of the bed came my roommate's face; she gripped my shoulders tight and said "Kanika, please make it stop, please make it stop, it won't stop!" I comforted her and started chanting 'Om Namah Shivaya'. Slowly, the sound changed to the chanting and slowly into a bhajan. As, the bhajan started, the light came on and my cousin sister was next to me. I looked and laughingly said, "we started our day with fuck off".
She looked at me with a smile and said, "the majority of people who start their days with bhajans are actually corrupt at heart".

I woke up, to a dark and empty room; ran and turned on the lights.
Nightmares have always shaken me up, since childhood; and you might think it gets better with time but it doesn't. But I have realized that if you spend time thinking about your nightmare, you could end up finding something positive in it.
I believe that dreams have messages and meaning. There is a reason behind the dreams we have and I have always been fascinated by them.

This nightmare can not really be called a nightmare; my brother told me that this dream is a sign that there is a guiding light that is protecting me. I believe so too. I know I am susceptible to negative energies and emotions because there are days and days in a row when I am soaked in negativity and it takes me a lot of time and strength to get out of it and return to the light.

I know many people do not believe in such things and hence, would not understand the significance of the dream that broke my sleep tonight. But there is something about dreams that can not be explained. Some dreams seem so real that when you wake up it is hard to believe that it was just a dream.

It is almost 7am now and I think I am prepared to go back to sleep.
Believe in your dreams, it is the Universe's way of telling you things you can not comprehend with open eyes.

A Truly Good Human Being

We have often read and heard from our elders and moral science books, that we should help others. We should be good citizens and good human beings; help our fellow people in times of need.
But, how many of us actually do that?
We simply remain standing, mere spectators, to the hierarchy of the society. We don't get up and help, we watch the spectacle and remain amused; wondering what is going to happen next.

An incident happened a few days ago;
We were standing near a roadside on Siri Fort road, and there was a cut to go into the DDA colony; suddenly, an old man on a bicycle and a man on a bike, nearly collided. The bicycle was coming out of the colony, the bike was going straight. The bike went ahead and came back. The old man was checking his bicycle to make sure it was not broken. He did not say anything to the man on the bike, who was now standing next to the old man, shouting and abusing. The bike man slapped the old man on the head and my blood boiled with loathing and my heart weighed down with sympathy. But, I was too afraid; too afraid to go and stand up for the old man.
As, I continued to watch, my boyfriend who had been on the phone, suddenly crossed the street and walked up to the duo. He politely asked the old man to leave, and told the bike man to calm down. I watched in awe as the situation was diffused in less than a minute!
He walked back to me with a smile on his face, and I was so lost in awe and wonder, I could only smile back and say the first thing that came to my mind, "I am so proud of you".

Now, when I think of this incident, I realized that intervening helps. That situation with the bike man and the old man, could have gotten so much worse, had my boyfriend not stepped in-between.
So many incidents, like these happen everyday!
Next time you see one, step in and end it, before things get out of hand and someone gets hurt.

As for my boyfriend, who is the inspiration for this post, all I can say is: You are a truly good human being.
God bless you!

The most interesting thing in the Parliament!

Went to see the Parliament today with college mates. Found the vaastu influence on the architecture of the building quite interesting. Still not sure, whether it is true, or not, but the concept of the rising sun on the ceiling of the Lok Sabha and the eye with a full moon on the ceiling in the Rajya Sabha fascinating.
The person who was showing us around said that the symbols meant the Lok Sabha has financial power and the Rajya Sabha does not; it does not have 'light' of its own.
My interpretation, of the rising sun and the eye with a full moon in it, is quite different.
The Lok Sabha is known as the House of Commons. It consists of members of the Parliament who are elected by the people. The rising sun symbolizes energy and power of change. It represents a new day. The Lok Sabha being represented by the choice of the public and having financial power, means it has the power to develop the country and help the common human being.
The Rajya Sabha being the House of Royals has greater power and responsibility. It reflects the ideas of the Lok Sabha. That is why its ceiling has an eye with a full moon in it. The eye reflects light and can not see without light; the full moon shows complete reflection of sunlight. It means the Rajya Sabha will be in 'darkness' without the Lok Sabha's 'light'. It is supposed to work in the direction that the commons want.
That is what I felt when I saw the rising sun and the eye with a full moon in it.

Change and Acceptance

In the moments of inconsequential mood swings, I have found my lack of patience, trust and faith in change: that whatever is happening is for the best and I should not resist the change but accept and welcome it with open arms.
That is what life is all about right? Constant change and your ability to handle it determines the quality of your life.
To cope with changes, I have started trying to look at the positives of change. At first, you will find none, but sooner or later, the positives will come to you and that change won't seem frightening anymore; and let's face it, change is going to happen whether you like it or not, so why not at least try being happy about it right?
The irony of life: The only permanent thing is change.

For all those who live away from their Family

Stars are so far away from us and each other but, when you look up at the night sky, they make beautiful shapes despite that distance.
My family left for Milan, Italy on 25th August of this year. I am an introvert and prefer hiding the things that make me vulnerable to the world.
After my parents and brother left, I thought I was okay and that I will be all right; but more than a month later, I am still hurting inside.
Fortunately, I have a guiding light, who tries to keep me focused, reminding me that now that my family is abroad, I have to be mature and show them that they did not make a mistake by leaving me here.
My Maa has always been the one I have told my inner most thoughts and feelings- not day-to-day thoughts, but thoughts that were related to the way I see the world; questions about why and how things are the way they are. She has always been the one who could simply look at me or hear my voice and know immediately whether I am happy or not. A while back, when I was unwell, she bought a purple ladybug keychain. She was too far away to take care of me and nurse me back to health, so this small gesture of buying a keychain that contains my favorite color and bug, reminded me that she is not far away. My father, my mother, my sister and my brother are not far away. They will always be with me. I know I can talk to them whenever I am going through a rough phase and their voice will be enough to calm me.
For all those students who live away from their families, I know it gets difficult. I am still trying to come to terms with it myself. BUT, always remember, that your family will always be there for you, no matter what.
You need a warm hug and words to get you through the day, talk to your maa; you need advice on life, talk to your papa; you need an excuse to laugh till you have tears in your eyes, talk to your brother, and if you feel like you can't do this on your own anymore, tell your sister you need her and go stay with her for a while. If all that fails, remember that you will see them during the summer vacations, you will meet them in a new country and for two months, you will make amazing new memories with them. Enough memories to help you get through another year with a broad smile on your lips.
I sometimes don't tell my family when I am missing them a lot, because I don't want to upset them. If I don't want to upset them, it is my responsibility to focus on my career and make them proud, so that the only time they have tears in their eyes, they will be tears of joy.

Don't feel alone, you have your friends to help and support you. You are not going through this alone.
I am blessed to have a guiding light who shows me the positives of all the negatives that come in my mind. I am blessed to have an amazing group of friends, who are pretty much like family to me. I am blessed to have an awesome room mate, who is packing to go home right now, and yet feels bad for leaving, because she knows how much I want to go home as well and does not feel like leaving me in the room alone.
I know I will be okay. I already feel the darkness subsiding and my light returning. I will find myself again.

I know that no matter how far my family is away from me, we will always love each other. And just like the stars in the sky, no matter the distance between use, we will make our lives beautiful and connected despite that distance.

Masquerade

In a shimmering purple dress,

She entered the dimly lit hall,

With a purple mask on her beautiful face,

She entered the dimly lit hall.

Girls with beautiful dresses,

And their creative masks,

Gliding on the floor,

With their newly bought shoes.

All of a sudden, with a pain in her head,

She awoke from a dream, her glass dream.

With tears in her eyes, she picked up the broom

Cleaning the house for another day.